


Ever Since New York

by sonofaladiesman



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies), Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: M/M, Oneshot, Religion, Short, Spock is jewish
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-14
Updated: 2017-06-14
Packaged: 2018-11-13 23:16:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11195511
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sonofaladiesman/pseuds/sonofaladiesman
Summary: Post-City on the Edge of Forever, but that's not relevant to the plot. I only do song fics, okay? sorry. ugh. Jim says 'I love you'.





	Ever Since New York

Spock has not talked about God since his 13th birthday. By human laws he is his mother’s religion, regardless of his practice, and as a Vulcan he has no affiliation, but Hebrew is a beautiful language and he had a duty to his mother to explore his human culture. But to his captain, he finds himself suggesting the possible existence of a higher power, as if just to indicate that Spock is not above belief, if adequate proof is provided.

Logic dictates that there is something that has not yet been discovered. The Enterprise crew has interacted with many beings whose behavior could not be fully explained by the science they have, based on existing knowledge. 

Spock cannot profess to know everything, even if his human side believes deep down that he may, in fact, be capable of omnipotence given access to the singularity he has heard whispers of in certain circles. Whether such unity would be Eden or neverending war, he is not certain, and the logic of it is philosophical and thus subjective.

Jim, the subject of many of Spock’s waking thoughts, is also a philosophical problem, and thus difficult, as Spock cannot objectively decipher his reactions to the subject.

Spock is attracted to him, certainly. Spock enjoys his companionship and is entertained by his wit. 

Spock is past denying the existence of feeling in himself, both as a self-identified Vulcan and as one of partial human heritage. The suppression of feeling is personally oppressive and likely to lead to loss of control, but what Spock feels when he hears those words is not something he was aware he was suppressing. He had said the word in passing to Nyota regarding Jim, a slip of the tongue, assuming he didn’t mean it, the same way he didn’t mean the Hebrew verses he had recited all those years ago. But when Jim says those words and Spock feels the realness of their description of how he is feeling, of how Jim is feeling, of how much of himself he has let become infected with a feeling he did not ever expect or choose, he can only respond one way. He says it with reverence, with shock, and it is both an admission of truth and a prayer, because he has learned that one of the unexplainable things in the universe is his belief in a higher power, because in no way could his life have turned towards this purity, this light, without the guidance of some sentient embodiment of his love.

“God, why?”


End file.
